While I was having tea tonight, we were watching 'Junior Doctors': a programme on BBC3. This got me thinking that I could never be a doctor. I don't deal well with blood -or with anything groos for that matter- I'm not the best with needles, I'm not sure I could deal with late night shifts, but most of all- I would have no idea how to deal with death. If it was all down to me and if it ended out being a decission that I made that caused my patient to die, I'm not sure that I would be able to ever set foor inside a hospital again. I would completly melt to the floor and never show my face again with the amount of guilt that I would be harbouring. However, death for every doctor is a thing that they have to deal with and I would hate to feel the pressure that they must feel when everyone is looking to them for the answers. I think I would draw a mental blank.
It's like that film with Leonardo Dicaprio in, 'Catch Me If You Can', when he pretends to be the doctor he throws up in the janitor's closet when he actually has to be faced with a patient. I think that I would spend my entire doctor's career in the janitor's closet. In fact, I think I would be best mates with the janitor.
So as I am going to a careers fair tomorrow, it has finally dawned on me that pretty soon I will be choosing A-levels, and therefore be choosing what job I want to do for the rest of my life. And in all honesty, I haven't a clue. I'm actually quite scared when it come sto the future. I know that I would like to do a job that involves travel and something that would change every day and keep my brain ticking. I quite like the idea of journalism. Maybe radio journalism? I don't think I would be able to be on TV, I hate watching myself back. I don't really want to work in an office. My mum does and keeps telling me to work hard so that I don't have to do what she does. I don't really want to be a teacher. I don't want to spend most of my life in a school. Anything to do with blood is a no-no and science isn't my best subject. But this is how bad I am when deciding what I want to do; when I watched 'Scrubs' I wanted to be a doctor- then I realised that I didn't like blood, when I watched 'Legally Blonde' I wanted to be a lawyer- then I realised I didn't want to spend loads of time and money at university and when I watch any festivals on TV, I want to be a singer- but then I realised that I sound like a cat being strangled while drowning in the sea.
But I'm still realising that I don't have to know what I want to do for the rest of my life when I'm 15. However, I listened to a song the other day called 'Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)' and there's a line in it that says 'Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.' And it got me thinking. It might be a good idea to have a basic plan of what you might like to do and it's definitely a good idea to have dreams and goals to aim for. But I don't need to know what job I want to do. I can always change my mind and my career. Just as long as I am motivated and I know what I want to do for that period of time, I'm sure I'll be fine.
But if there's one thing I learnt from that song, it's that I should always wear sunscreen.